her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
