I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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