just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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