Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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