If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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