I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
