On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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