Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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