I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
