And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
