Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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