I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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