You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
