I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
