if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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