I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize