i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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