I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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