walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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