mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
