Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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