I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
