i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
