I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
