I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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