My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My ATM looks so different sober.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
