Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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