I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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