I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
