return my video game
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
