Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
