Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
