In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
