So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
