so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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