I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My ass is underappreciated
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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