I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize