Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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