sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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