Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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