so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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