I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.