he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way