his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket