I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my shit smells like andre
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it