4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.