I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
