The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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