420 ftw
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
