Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
