well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
