who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am naked and annoyed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
