Farmville is her only friend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
