things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
