I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
