so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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