the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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