R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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