So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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