he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
