im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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