if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
