If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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