Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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