In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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