She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
